Wonders of a college education at UMD
John Brosius
Issue date: 10/1/08 Section: Humor
The bottom floors of A.B. Anderson Hall smell odd and are creepy. Avoid at all costs (unless you are a music major, in which case, bummer).
Make sure to pick up a copy of the Statesman every week. It has great coupons.
If you don't want people to know within a split second of seeing you that you are a freshman, don't wear the wallet/ID holder around your neck at all times, or wear a UMD sweatshirt with UMD sweatpants and a Bulldog hat topped off with the wallet/ID holder around your neck. It's a dead give away.
If you do something stupid at a party or in your dorm and some clever jokester slaps a nickname on you for it, congratulations, because it might as well be engraved on your tombstone.
Don't try and show-off how good you are at beer pong or how much you think you can drink. This is a good way to end up in detox. Tolerances come with experience, and you don't have any.
Dorm pranks are hilarious. Get creative. This is what legends are made of.
Get your work done; go to your classes, meet everyone you can, and have fun. You are here to be studious and succeed, but without stories, all you'll have when you graduate is a piece of paper and a handshake.
Make sure to pick up a copy of the Statesman every week. It has great coupons.
If you don't want people to know within a split second of seeing you that you are a freshman, don't wear the wallet/ID holder around your neck at all times, or wear a UMD sweatshirt with UMD sweatpants and a Bulldog hat topped off with the wallet/ID holder around your neck. It's a dead give away.
If you do something stupid at a party or in your dorm and some clever jokester slaps a nickname on you for it, congratulations, because it might as well be engraved on your tombstone.
Don't try and show-off how good you are at beer pong or how much you think you can drink. This is a good way to end up in detox. Tolerances come with experience, and you don't have any.
Dorm pranks are hilarious. Get creative. This is what legends are made of.
Get your work done; go to your classes, meet everyone you can, and have fun. You are here to be studious and succeed, but without stories, all you'll have when you graduate is a piece of paper and a handshake.
Be the first to comment on this story